The day I have been dreading since my Little Man was born came and went and I honestly don't know how I made it through without crying all day. For the last 2 weeks I've been beside myself worrying over the daycare we signed him up at, about the women that will be taking care of him, and that he'll be lost in the sea of other children (not really, he's in a group of 5-6 babies). I cried nearly every day and counted down the hours till drop off. "Killing me" is an absolute understatement, but I know he'll be fine. I know he'll be fine. I know he'll be fine. ::sniffle::
Lucky for me, we found a daycare that is right across the street from my office, so I'll be able to pop over and see him whenever I want and can spend my breaks breastfeeding him and playing with him. This set up keeps me from completely losing it at any given moment during the day. Besides leaving my Little in the care of virtual strangers, I've walked back into a madhouse. Since I went on maternity leave half the people in my group were laid off. So I'll be doing the work of at least 4 people! Ugh! And I'm not even going to let myself think about what's coming in a couple of months... more lay offs and how fun it will be when I'm only one of TWO people in the "group". Kill me now please.
Yesterday wasn’t all together terrible. It wasn’t the best either though. Little Man decided on Sunday night that he was going to be a pill and was up every hour starting around midnight. I got up at 5 o’clock in the morning and was exhausted. I fed my Little Man (crying moment #1) and then pumped right after because I’d read that you have the most milk in the morning. Not so in my case, but I shouldn’t have been surprised, my boobs just don’t do “normal”. I got myself ready while My Honey, who didn’t have to get out of bed till 6, cuddled with Little Man (crying moment #2). Then I got my bebe ready for his first day of daycare (crying moment #3). We actually left the house on time and I dropped off my sweet baby with the morning teacher (crying moments #4, 5 and 6) and headed off for my first day back at work. I was literally counting down the minutes until I could run across the street and feed him and play a little.
Everyone was really glad to see me back. Probably because they’ve been really slammed since the last round of lay offs in August. Every time someone stopped by my cube, they asked after Little Man (crying moments #7-15). At 9:30, I ran across the street to see my Little Man. I spent probably 20 minutes over there, fed him and put him down for a nap. I did that at 11:30 and again at 2:00. At 3:30 I was out for the day... Oh, I forgot to mention that I’m working a different schedule now. Instead of coming in at 8:00, taking an hour lunch and leaving at 5:00, I come in at 7:00, take a half hour lunch and leave at 3:30. As much as I hate waking up so early, I love, love, love leaving that place at 3:30!
Having him so close is really what is getting me through right now. I have 3 breaks during the day, so I can run over there and spend time with him and kiss and hug on him. He seems to be ok with the arrangement. I found him twice in a swing and then playing on the floor when I walked in the door. The other babies in the room are all so cute! And there is one other that is right around his age. The teachers are really nice and there’s even another baby whose mother works in my building.
As much fun as our current set up is (note sarcasm), we would much rather have me home. My business is still an infant and not helping much at all, so we’ve turned to saving money instead of increasing the income. We’re working on getting our mortgage modified. We, like most other people, took a substantial hit on our house when the market turned. It’s probably worth 70% of what we paid for it in 2006, so we’re hoping that our mortgage company will give us a break and lower our payments. If we can get it lowered enough, I can stay home. So far, it looks good, but we don’t know how long it will take to get everything squared away. In the mean time, I have to work. We need to keep the roof over our little ones’ head! I cannot wait for the day that I can blow this popsicle stand!
So that’s all for now I guess. Counting down till I get to see my Little Man again. Only an hour and half to go!
I felt dumb smiling at myself in the mirror, which is why no smiles. And also, Little Man came at exactly 37 weeks. I was in the hospital in labor, so taking that last belly pic was not at the top of my agenda :)
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